Northern League First Division
Programme notes: “In 1894 Penrith played a friendly match
against Poole’s Globe Trotters. The team was made up from a theatre company and
they played in costume. Characters included Rattlebones, the Clown; Alabama,
the Coon; Injun Scout; Ching Chung, the Jap; Policeman XXX; Buffalo Bill; and
Tommy Atkins.” A colourful collection, to be sure. (Tommy Atkins was a generic
name for a British soldier).
Attendance: 57
When the buds begin to burst I develop a sort of morbid fascination
in the season’s strugglers. In past seasons it’s prompted visits to watch
Pontefract and Brodsworth and, just a fortnight ago, Easington. Today I
ventured to Stokesley, the only club in the top six steps of non-league yet to
register a win*. They have three points from three draws and, before today, had
conceded 99 goals. The nadir was a 24-1 aggregate pasting by Bedlington Terriers over two matches early in the season. The basic problem was that all 38 registered players followed the
manager out of the door when he resigned at the end of last season.
The buds may be bursting but it felt like winter in all
other respects. Hats and scarves were the order of the day and 10-day old snow still
lingered at the top of the distant Cleveland escarpment bounding the North York
Moors. The panorama – which made up for my disappointment at Easington – also includes the distinctive volcanic profile
of Roseberry Topping (above) and Caption Cook’s Monument (on top of hill, below). Fittingly, the club is
sponsored by Captain Cook’s Brewery.
Part of a complex that includes the HQ of the North Riding
FA, a bowling green, cricket pitch and tennis courts, Stokesley’s ground has the feel of a
training pitch about it and reminded me of how close this level of football is
to watching it in a park. (Bit too close, to be honest). The ground is modern,
small and unremarkable – if you exclude a rather quaint corner seat (above) that looks
very at home among the fencing. I also like the way the dugouts (below) are sponsored
by different pubs. The focus, then, was on the view and the match – which
turned out to be a little cracker.
When I go to watch a struggler I either want to see first win
for yonks or a good, sound thrashing. Ordinarily nothing in between really
satisfies. It soon became evident that the first scenario was the more likely.
Stokesley certainly didn’t play like a side long since marooned at the bottom
of the table and battled well throughout. They came from behind to lead at 2-1
then Penrith – making one of many regular trips over the Pennines in this
north-east centred league – levelled it just before the break. Surprisingly,
there were no more goals but plenty of chances. “Squeeze! Squeeze!”, the
Stokesley goalie kept imploring his defence. “What does that mean?” asked my
son, Bertie. Mmmm. Tricky one to answer, that, without a chalkboard.
Penrith should’ve won the match when the Stokesley goalie
saved from a one-on-one then, at the other end and with just minutes remaining,
a Stokesley striker woofed the ball woefully over the bar when clean through.
“It bobbled, lads, it bobbled. Honest,” is how I’d have explained it to my team
mates in days of yore. Another chance moments later went similarly begging. The
home side’s sub was interesting. I think the fella was Mark Harkin, billed in
the programme as ‘chairman, assistant manager and coach’. Probably sweeps out
the dressing rooms too. So, for Stokesley, it was a case of so near yet so far. Still, when you only have three points a fourth is an achievement in itself.
*The worst team in England: Stokesley aren’t the worst team
in the non-league pyramid. As keen scrutineers of the back pages of the Non-League
Paper will testify that ignomy belongs to DFS Welbeck Welfare from
Nottinghamshire of the Central Midlands League (step 7) who are literally
pointless. Here’s a fab pic of the setting of their ground taken a year ago.
The mine buildings have since been demolished – sadly, from the groundhopper’s
point of view.
Pic of the season: The big news from the Northern League, of
course, is the fact that two of its sides have made it to the final of the FA
Vase. Here’s a belting pic taken at one of the semi-finals: Staveley Miners’
Welfare v. Dunston UTS. For link to blog click here.
